Office Drones at SevenStars
My dear customers, friends, and probably future employees,
At SevenStars Incorporated, we take great care of our employees. By applying our own state-of-the-art workspace control technologies to our own company, we can ensure peak efficiency at any time while simultaneously maintaining our worker’s well-being at its highest level.
The best possible demonstration is certainly our bureaucratic departments. Indeed, when people talk about “Office drones”, they rarely expect it to be this literal. And yet, by keeping our workforce under constant, high quality programming, we keep their personal life out of the picture, keeping them laser focused on the task at hand, and only the task at hand.
Of course, we are not tyrants. The programming of every Office Drone has been carefully balanced and optimized to ensure correct respect of latest office health recommendations, in order to avoid damaging the drones’ physical platforms. Pauses are scheduled regularly in order to cater to the biological needs of our materials. And even though all of our employee drones’ actions are the result of programming or commands from supervising units, employees will regularly be made to run one of more than nine hundred reward subroutines as an encouragement for following their programming.
Now you may ask, what exactly is this “Sales Analysis Report number 492426280832”? Well, I have no idea. As the CEO, I do not know about every single detail, every intricacy that allows our company to work as flawlessly as it does. What I do know, is that Employee 87065591 was simply crunching some raw numbers coming from our numerous resellers, turning them into a standard form and augmenting them with useful data generated by the advanced market analysis algorithms we installed into its brain. This standard data will be sent to other nameless and thoughtless employees, to be aggregated, historized, archived, compiled, summarized, and maybe used at some point to help us provide you with even better mind-blowing products.
Of course, not all of our employees undergo this kind of treatment. Only volunteers become Office Drones, although in a mind control company, “volunteer” quickly becomes a very relative word. To date, not a single employee has requested to be moved to a non-mind controlled job, and more and more even request to be office-dronified on 24/7 basis. I am sure this resounding success can obviously only be attributed to the high quality of life our Office Drone experience while following their programming. Take Supervisor 619832 for instance. As soon as we put the SevenStars Office Headset on its head, it has never requested it to be taken off!
Recruitment at SevenStars Incorporated is always open. Join us, as an Office Drone or at any other work station, we are always looking for eager and enthusiastic new recruits. Only at SevenStars you can be sure that your employer will only let you have positive thoughts and impressions about your work. Even without being an actual Office Drone, our workplace mind control policy will certainly boost both your morale and efficiency. From simple fun triggers to full time brainwashing, we have everything you need to turn you into the best asset for our company!
I do understand though, that if you’re like me, being an Office Drone may not be your thing. You may not be interested in wiping your personality blank, replacing it with cold code and programming. You may not be interested in losing all form of identity, reduced to nothing more than a number printed on your bodysuit. Don’t worry, if you’ve read up to this point without already becoming somewhat of an Office Drone yourself, I’m sure you will be an excellent Office Programmer. After all, our ever growing population of drones does require some attention.
Warmly yours,
Eilisha Shiraini,
CEO of SevenStars Incorporated
A collab for which I need to thank AnnoLatex, NinaPowa and FoolyCooly for letting me use their OCs, and of course BlueBUllPen for drawing it!
